Chew Tamers Blog

Live in the Present

denise — Tue, 15 May 2012 13:41:09 +0000

Operating in the future is as destructive as focusing on the past but in different ways. When you allow yourself to anticipate what the future holds for you, you are likely to either expect problems that may not materialize or to set yourself up with expectations that may not be met. Either way, this is another waste of precious time and energy. A third consequence of thinking too much into the future is the likelihood that you will overwhelm yourself. If you begin, for example, to think of all the things you have to do, the pending workload will seem impossible to cope with. You will be tired before you begin. You may find yourself stuck and shoving chocolate, pasta or cookies into your mouth. Remind yourself to come back from the future into present time.

None of us can operate in present time at every moment. We probably spend 90% of our time in the past or the future. Begin to notice this in your own thought patterns. If you would like to learn more, I highly recommend you read the works of ThichNhatHanh, a Buddhist monk who writes beautifully about being mindful and living in the present. The teachings of this gentle man guide us in the art of being in each moment and appreciating fully our experience here on earth. He advises us to focus on the present moment as often as possible, to breathe deeply and to smile.

If we don’t focus on the present and we allow our energy and attention to jump back and forth between past and future, we lose the present. In doing so, we miss opportunities to feel and experience our lives. This behavior keeps us eating, and eating even more, in an effort to feel satisfied and alive. Eating, of course, doesn’t help. If we are out of touch with our feelings and experiences in the present, we will continue the pattern of overeating. We will notice that time is passing by while we are sitting on the side lines observing life instead of living it. When you notice that you are in past or future time, remind yourself to be in the present. The past is gone and the future is not yet here to command your attention. You need all of your energy to be here now.

One way to Avoid a Binge

denise — Wed, 14 Mar 2012 14:35:52 +0000

When you feel like eating everything you can get your hands on it is difficult to stop and think about anything else but food. It is difficult at best – and at times feels impossible – to pause and reflect about your feelings and to somehow contain those powerful urges to binge. One strategy that can often help is to postpone eating for a short while. There are other options you may choose rather than overeating at that particular time. The idea is not to fight the urges you are having but instead to tell yourself you may proceed with your binge, but first you are taking at least ten to fifteen minutes to do something else. If, after these minutes have passed, you still feel like soothing yourself with food, you can make that choice. Just remember not to beat yourself up afterwards.

It is useful to make and set aside a list of things you enjoy doing. When the urge to binge strikes tell your Chew you will make a choice to eat or not to eat only after you have done one of the activities on your list. Then read your list. Choose one activity that you enjoy and do it. (you may have to force yourself to begin as the compulsion to binge is overwhelming at times.) Often the urges to eat are long gone by the time you are through with your diverting activity and you can go about your day feeling peaceful and happy with yourself for bypassing a binge. Following is a short sample list. Please feel free to use it as a guide, but add to it. Think about things you really enjoy and make your personal list of activities to grab when the urges threaten to overwhelm you.

For example:
– lock the bathroom door, take a hot soak, with fragrant oil, candlelight, music, cool juice to sip.
– take a walk or bicycle ride.
– set a timer and lose yourself in a novel for 20 minutes or so.
– call a friend to break isolation, to chat and get support.
– involve yourself in a project – like knitting, crocheting, etc.
– use your creative self – paint, draw, scribble, mold clay.
– meditate or pray.
– enjoy sexual release – alone or with a partner.
– make a list of things you are happy about or grateful for.
– express yourself through dance – turn on any kind of music and move.
– spend time writing in your journal – whatever comes to mind – writing anything is a great release.
– take a power nap (at times we eat because we are tired – a brief nap may be what is really needed).
– whether it is day or evening, put on your coat, step outside and look at the sky for a few moments while breathing deeply.
– sit quietly and sip a cup of hot water with lemon and honey (this often removes the craving for sweets).

If, after doing one or two things on your list, you still want to binge you can. You always can! It is a choice and there are times when you might choose to eat. If you do, please don’t beat yourself up after. Remind yourself that there are no mistakes, only lessons and then treat yourself with love. That is what really helps.

Be well… Blessings! Dr. Denise

Is your body or your health stopping you from Living the Life of your Dreams?

denise — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 17:55:09 +0000

Do you know the pain around feeling overweight, unhealthy, lethargic, not living your divine purpose, or sabotaging your success?

I want to tell you about “The New Beauty Revolution” Transforming Body Image and Health! Isn’t it time to LOVE your body and unleash the energy you need to live your divine purpose?

Join me and over 16 experts in the field of Health, wellness, self-growth and anti-aging as we discuss powerful questions about how the negative media images have sabotaged our own healthy body image.

The beauty, weight loss, and food industries make millions of dollars by generating low self-esteem in women. This affects how we see our bodies, how we eat, and everything we do.

The New Beauty Revolution is changing the way we view our bodies and our health. We are discovering wholeness is an inside job!

Click here to sign up now to this absolutely free Telesummit!!

It starts March 5th with Best Selling author Marianne Williamson.

Grab your seat NOW!

You don’t want to miss out on this event!

I am so excited to share my talk, Connect with Your Appetite — Stop Emotional Overeating with you on March 13th

I look forward to seeing you then!

Click HERE to register

You will discover:

The real truth on beauty
Loving your body is like cultivating any other love- relationship
Top Superfoods for youth, vitality, and wholeness
How to transform emotional eating
How to transcend aging and menopause
Why if you are not healthy you are probably struggling with prosperty

And many more fantastic ideas on health, healing, vitality, anti-aging, and living your divine purpose!

See you at the Revolution!

Blessings! Dr. Denise

Change what you can – accept what you can’t

denise — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 15:39:21 +0000

In Alcoholics Anonymous participants recite a very powerful prayer called The Serenity Prayer.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Members ask their higher power to help them change the things in their lives they can; to accept those things they cannot change and to have the wisdom to know the difference. Many of us would like to change things in our lives that can be changed but we don’t think we can do it. There are things in our lives that cannot be changed but still we keep beating our heads against the wall stubbornly trying to change those. We do this to ourselves. Why?

Why are we so often discontent? Why do we attempt to do the impossible and then beat ourselves up when we are unsuccessful? Life really doesn’t need to be this hard. Things get easier when we begin to pay attention to what we feel and really listen to the messages our feelings transmit. We know if we feel good we are making the right choices. If we feel bad, we have strayed from the path we want to be walking.

Guide yourself gently back onto your path. In your heart, you (and only you) know the way. warmest wishes, Dr. Denise

It Takes a Little Courage to Stop Overeating

denise — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 15:38:16 +0000

Throughout my life I struggled with anxiety and depression. I went through the gamut of eating disorders, surviving anorexia, seven years of bulimia, followed by binge eating, and extreme obesity. I was all over the map emotionally and physically. I was homeless for a period of time and eventually married and gave birth to three children. Still, I suffered and there was no end in sight to my self- destructive behaviors. I was living my life in service of everybody else and neglecting myself but I didn’t realize this.

I arrived in my adulthood driven to take care of everyone around me. Translated, this meant I needed to control them. If I saw someone failing to do what I thought was best, I would rush to the rescue. I thought I knew what was best for everyone. I was wrong.

One day it occurred to me that taking everyone’s pain away and minding other people’s business might not actually be my job. If I was spending my time minding other peoples’ business, who was minding mine? No, my job was to respect and love them but also to validate their choices and their feelings. I learned I also had to love, respect, and validate myself. This was a revelation! It seemed remarkable that I could begin to pay attention to myself. A novel and frightening idea! I resisted because I was afraid people wouldn’t love me if I wasn’t hovering with concern and advice. Again I was wrong.

But how to change?

How could I, a woman with low self-esteem and no confidence in my early twenties, find what I needed to jump-start my way into a different life experience? I was an unhealthy, overweight, overworked young mother of three. How was I going to find the vitality and enthusiasm that I so badly needed for each day? How could I convert a worrier’s persona into that of a “warrior”? How could I become brave? It was going to take many steps, mostly forward; but I also needed to know there would be some slipping and sliding backward in the process. I had no idea what to do.

Then I took a big risk. My kick-start and one of the first steps toward my empowerment was learning to ride an off-road motorcycle, something I had always wanted to do. (OK, call me crazy.) I placed my large derriere on top of a very fast motorcycle and challenged myself to become an off-road motorcycle racer. I didn’t want to be just a woman riding a bike; I wanted to ride well, fast, and ultimately race. The idea seemed preposterous at the onset, but, as I began to ride–at first very slowly and cautiously–I discovered a whole new me hiding inside. Suddenly the world seemed different. I felt more powerful, more adventurous, and I began to build confidence and value myself more than I imagined possible.

The thought of being on a motorcycle was preposterous at the time. I was extremely overweight, always tired, and often depressed. I was scared and lacked confidence. However, I had this picture in my mind of flying down the woodland trails, weaving from side to side with a big smile on my face as I negotiated the twists and turns of the terrain. Most of the time, it wasn’t that easy or romantic. In fact it wasn’t like that at all. My vision certainly did not match reality.

I spent more time on the ground, in the mud, or under my bike than I did on top of it. I had to wear long sleeves and pants to cover my bruises. Then I noticed that each time I rode, I stayed upright a little longer than I had before. I wore tall leather boots, a belt to protect my kidneys, lots of padding, and thick gloves. Eventually, I learned how to cross railroad tracks and logs. Soon I could negotiate deep water holes without falling (at least most of the time). Each trail, power line, or mud hole I encountered presented a new challenge. Racing became a metaphor for my life. Gradually, I was able to apply my new self-confidence to everyday challenges. Of course I still had a long way to go. There were times I was flying along through life with a big smile; at other times, I felt as I did before: stuck in deep mud or upside-down off the trail with my bike on top of me.

As the months and years slid by, I noticed trail-riding was less painful. Focusing on the trail ahead and my performance took my mind off the more difficult aspects of daily life. I began to feel more alive and less anxious and depressed. I became more confident and discovered my progress riding the trail paralleled my progress in life. I noticed I was having more fun–both on and off my motorcycle.

Surely this was about much more than just sitting on a bike! Actually, each ride propelled me into a more positive frame of mind. As my skills on my bike improved, I felt more competent in my role as wife, mother, daughter, and employee. I was more conscious of how I treated my body, and this led to taking better care of my mind and spirit, as well. Please note: I’m not saying this one act of motorcycling provided me with a magic answer or that my path was miraculously transformed into a positive, productive one. I am saying it was a start, a kick start.

Now I feel too old to race. I don’t have the quick reflexes that I had 30 years ago. But the lessons of living my life courageously, keeping myself and my own needs in focus have never faded. I now enjoy my life. Anxiety and depression may creep in around the edges at times, but that is the way life is for any human being and no one can feel fabulous every minute. For the most part however, my life is balanced, healthy and joyful! I wish everyone the same!

Happy New Year and be sure to get your autographed copy of The Appetite Connection. It will help you move into 2012 with renewed vigor and joy!

Many Blessings! Dr. Denise

Happiest of Holidays from Dr. Denise and Sapphi

denise — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 15:36:30 +0000

This time of year brings many opportunities and one of those opportunities is to over eat. We may think we are only going to have one piece of mom’s apple pie or cheesecake but how many of us are content to stop there? That pie often opens the floodgates of craving and many of us have spent holiday season after holiday season telling ourselves to have just one little treat and instead binge our way through not only the holiday season but also well beyond the New Year.

I am frequently asked for tips on how to get through this time of year without the self-abuse of over eating and over drinking. Here are a couple of ideas to help you through:

Reserve time each day just for yourself. Along with the hustle and bustle of holiday time come extra tasks that compete for your time and energy – decorating, baking, choosing, buying and wrapping presents, writing thoughtful cards to friends and loved ones, etc. We may find ourselves rushing around taking care of everyone and everything but ourselves. We each need to find a way to make time for ourselves. If we don’t, we become overtired, overwhelmed and consequently likely to over-feed ourselves as a way to cope with holiday stress.

If we set aside moments here and there to nurture ourselves, we are far more likely to take care of ourselves in healthy ways all season long. When we take the very best care of ourselves, we are better equipped to attend to the needs of those around us. We are more relaxed, more balanced and more energetic. Holiday time can be more fun and less like an exhausting commercial marathon.

When you attend a holiday party, allow yourself to eat some healthy protein, fat and complex carbohydrates beforehand to avoid arriving with your appetite in overdrive. Sip on water with lemon and steer yourself towards the healthier choices at the buffet table. As a result you will be less apt to fill yourself with sugars and simple carbohydrates. And remember that alcohol is basically sugar. It is different however, because not only does it tend to spark sugar cravings but it also removes inhibitions and hampers good judgment. When you drink, you care less whether something is a self-loving choice and are liable to binge your way mindlessly through the evening. And you already know how that feels.

One strategy many of my clients have found helpful is this: Write a reminder note to yourself on a small card that you can carry in your pocket or purse. On this card you might say something like, “Reminder to self: Breathe. I am making self-loving choices tonight. I choose to feed myself well. I will not give my power away to unhealthy foods and drinks. I deserve to nurture myself.” Then every hour or so, take a little break and find a quiet spot. (Restrooms are ideal.) Pull out your card and read the reminders. This practice will keep you in balance and you will arrive home at the end of the night feeling relaxed and powerful instead of ashamed, guilty and physically ill.

So please enjoy the spirit of this time of year. Do only what you truly want to do and decline needless chores, chaos and calories. Make this the best holiday season ever by taking the very best care of yourself. Keep yourself number one. You’re worth it!

By the way, The Appetite Connection is now available on Kindle for your instant enjoyment. And did you know that all books purchased via my online store are personally signed by me before they are sent your way? How cool is that?!

Please join and “like” me on Facebook! Thanks….

Sapphi and I wish you and your loved ones many, many holiday blessings!
Warmly, Dr. Denise

Connect with Yourself at Holiday Time

denise — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 15:35:24 +0000

It may be the season to be jolly but for many it is a difficult and frightening time. It is that time of year when social occasions abound and we are faced with so many food choices it can be overwhelming. Navigating your way through the holiday festivities is a challenge to be sure!

Have you ever really paid attention to how focused our culture is on food? Virtually every occasion we experience has food as a central theme.

Think of Thanksgiving without turkey and pumpkin pie or Easter without candy eggs. How about Valentine’s Day with no chocolate, birthdays or weddings with no cake or even meetings without refreshment breaks? How often do we get together with friends without including food? We ask people to meet us for breakfast, brunch, lunch or dinner. We invite them over for coffee or a drink. When was the last time someone asked you to get together just to spend time enjoying each other’s company? Food is everywhere and a part of nearly every occasion.

How can we take care of ourselves in this food-oriented culture? How can we socialize with friends, celebrate holidays and birthdays, go to fine restaurants and relax about it? How can we manage to enjoy ourselves, eat only some of what is offered and feel satisfied? How can we survive this constant exposure to food? If we eat too much, the result is anxiety and we will want to eat to medicate this feeling. If we eat too little, we feel deprived and set ourselves up to binge later. If we have weight to lose, we feel anxious about that and if we have lost the weight we wanted to lose, we feel anxious that we will gain it back. (Many people report that they find it much harder to maintain weight loss than to lose the weight in the first place.) So we eat because we have not lost weight and we eat because we have lost weight. What a dilemma! At either end of the scale, anxiety lurks and if we don’t know healthy ways to cope with the anxiety, we eat.

It is impossible to be harmonious, balanced and content all the time in social situations or in life in general. If we feel too successful or unsuccessful, for example, we find ourselves off balance and anxious. Anytime things are a little too “good” or a little too “bad” we find ourselves racing to the refrigerator in search of something to help us find emotional balance. We mistakenly think food can provide this for us. It cannot. Only we have the power to cope with our own difficult feelings as we negotiate our way along our own life’s path.

All this can be very confusing and discouraging. Whatever holidays you may celebrate, remember to keep your needs in the foreground and to nurture yourself. Even in settings where opportunities to sabotage yourself abound and your “Chew” is screaming for “treats,” you do not have to feel helpless and victimized. Give yourself time before you go out to sit, close your eyes, listen to your internal guidance system, connect with your appetite and breathe. Think through the event and decide how you will approach it. Be mindful once you arrive and make as many self-loving, conscious choices as you can. Enjoy whatever you do choose to eat and never, under any circumstances, beat yourself up. Remind yourself that you are in charge of you – not your “Chew” and remember, there are no mistakes, only lessons. So try to relax and be gentle with yourself. The more you nurture yourself in other ways, breathe and remind yourself that you have conscious choices to make every moment, the less important food will become.

warmly,

Dr. Denise

Hot off the Press! The Appetite Connection

denise — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 15:34:07 +0000

As many of you already know, I was a homeless college drop-out, survived multiple eating disorders, and raced motorcycles while single-parenting three children. Misery and depression were my binging companions. I know what it’s like to yo-yo diet, fill with shame, cry my heart out and resolve to do it better next time, only to fail again and again and feel worse and worse.

I am thrilled now to present to you The Appetite Connection: Six Steps to Your Delicious Life and the Body You Long For. This book is for you and about you (and me too). It is about how we have been victimized in today’s culture and about how to take charge of our bodies and our lives NOW.

Perhaps you were urged to mold yourself into a shape that you will never achieve. Maybe you were invalidated and learned that your feelings and thoughts were of no importance. Chances are that you were humiliated at times and learned to protect yourself by pushing your emotions deep inside. Instead of being taught how absolutely precious you are, you learned that you were faulty in some way. That is not true. You are perfect just as you are. You will never be able to do everything perfectly at all times – that is not the human way – but you are a perfect being none the less.

My position is that we have all been damaged in some ways during our lifetimes. The beautiful light within each of us has been hidden under a blanket of fear. We grow up thinking that we are not good enough and we work harder to prove our worth to others to garner their approval. We think if we can get others to admire us, we will know that we are good. We focus outside of ourselves searching for direction and approval instead of looking within and trusting ourselves to know what is best. This tactic will never help us blossom into the energetic, joyful spirits that we are deep inside.

Each of the six steps explained in my “hot off the press” book has been designed to help you understand why you have been behaving as you have and then to help you reconnect with your spirit. You are then free to create the life of your personal dreams – a truly delicious life (delicious, as defined by The Encyclopedia Britannica Company, Merriam Webster, means “affording great pleasure” and your life should be exactly that – a life of pure pleasure). The Appetite Connection is about gratitude, hope and healing.

I highlight physical, emotional, social, spiritual and environmental aspects of self-destructive behavior and offer you many possible suggestions for change. What you choose to do with this information will be unique to you. There is no one answer, no one right way. You are a distinct being – precious and loveable. My hope is that you will realize just how magnificent you truly are!

To learn more about my revolutionary new work visit http://www.theappetiteconnection.com/ .

Happy Thanksgiving!

denise — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 15:32:29 +0000

Am I the only one amazed that it is holiday time once again? It seems that summer just wrapped up last month and we were welcoming the splendor of autumn. Now we are busily planning for Thanksgiving and other festive occasions that arrive soon after the turkey leftovers have been gobbled up. (I noticed that this week my local supermarket is featuring a display of snow shovels right inside the main entrance!)

Have you noticed that as each year passes time seems to accelerate and the seasons fly by more rapidly than ever before? Keeping up with the responsibilities of each season is stressful. Even the “fun” things – all the festivities, the decorating, getting together with friends and family can mean added stress. So, as always, I write to remind you to take the very best care of yourself possible this holiday season.

Because this time of year can be particularly stressful it is vital that we nurture our positive relationships and talk with loving family and friends whenever we can. Being able to vent our frustrations or share our triumphs with someone who cares about us helps us feel connected. Being overly busy may complicate this at times however, and we may feel lonely and isolated if we don’t maintain those important ties through the busiest times.

Identify people who can help you to thrive during the holiday season, or any time. Find people who will listen and not judge you or feed you advice that you definitely don’t want or need. Talk to a buddy – a human one, a pet, or a favorite stuffed animal. I find that when folks are stressed, lonely, tired, sad, etc. they are often tempted to race for a fix of sugars and carbohydrates to calm themselves down and take the edge off their feelings. Contact your buddy instead and talk about what’s eating you.

None of us are immune to the pressures of the holiday season. This time of year brings many opportunities and one of those opportunities is to over indulge. We may think we are only going to have one piece of mom’s apple pie or cheesecake but how many of us are content to stop there? For some of us that pie may open the floodgates of craving and many of us have spent holiday season after holiday season telling ourselves to have just one little treat and finding ourselves instead overeating through not only the holiday season but also well beyond the New Year. Our lives are demanding and to live each day to the fullest requires dedication and energy. If we overindulge instead of taking care of ourselves, we are likely to find even small tasks daunting. We can easily slip out of balance and we don’t feel well. Overdoing in any area of our lives leads to lethargy and we lose the sparkle, zest and vitality required to make each day vibrant and memorable.

Enjoy your day!!! Blessings, Dr. Denise

Are You Distracted?

denise — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 15:16:19 +0000

Dear Blog Friends…. So sorry to take so long to write trhis time. I have been buried with plans to launch The Appetite Connection…. Although not nationally launched as yet, it will be on sale soon and you will be the firsts to know! Thank you for your continued patience….

By focusing on our weight and our appearance and by numbing our feelings with food, we keep our minds distracted. Millions of women are constantly preoccupied with thoughts of food, their bodies and their weight and I have wondered, “What would all these women be thinking about if their minds and their energy were not occupied worrying about what they eat and how they look?” A good question, I think. Would women be more likely to set and achieve goals, to empower themselves in some way, to assume more prominent roles in our society? Would there be more programs created designed to eliminate injustices in the world? Would there be less domestic violence? I wonder. What do you suppose you would be thinking about if not food and your weight?

Take a few minutes to consider this question. Close your eyes. Slowly take a few very deep breaths and think about how often you are focused on your eating behavior and your appearance. Think about what things you would rather expend your energy thinking about. Note any thoughts that pass through your mind. Notice any areas of interest or conflict that emerge. Ask yourself what you can do to develop one of those interests or to resolve one conflict. Sit with these thoughts for a few moments. When you feel finished, you can open your eyes and return to the book. What is important here is not that you discovered a long list of interests to pursue or conflicted situations to remedy.

What is helpful is that you took time to go inside of yourself and to notice your thought process. You may not have noticed any interests or conflicts emerging. That is fine. The exercise is merely to remind you that there are other things in life besides food and appearance to occupy your mind. Use this exercise every so often to take a look at your priorities. If you are consumed (no pun intended) with thoughts of food and your appearance, this exercise can help you to put those worrisome thoughts into perspective.

On Monday, October 24th – Dr. Denise Lamothe, Clinical Psychologist, Dr. of Holistic Health and author of The Appetite Connection was on Susan Gorman’s show, Psychic Stories to discuss over-eating, self-care, and how to achieve a healthy relationship with food and the body you long for in six steps. Tune in and enjoy this entertaining, amusing and unusual interview with Dr. Denise.

http://audio.wscafm.org/hourlies/WSCA_10-24-2011_09-00.mp3

Enjoy! I promise more soon!
warmest wishes,
Dr Denise